hermann the irascible : the story of the great weep
It was in the second decade of the Twentieth Century, after the
Great Plague had devastated England, that Hermann the Irascible,
nicknamed also the Wise, sat on the British throne. The Mortal Sickness
had swept away the entire Royal Family, unto the third and fourth
generations, and thus it came to pass that Hermann the Fourteenth
of Saxe-Drachsen-Wachtelstein, who had stood thirtieth in the order
of succession, found himself one day ruler of the British dominions
within and beyond the seas. He was one of the unexpected things
that happen in politics, and he happened with great thoroughness.
In many ways he was the most progressive monarch who had sat on
an important throne; before people knew where they were, they were
somewhere else. Even his Ministers, progressive though they were
by tradition, found it difficult to keep pace with his legislative
suggestions.
"As a matter of fact," admitted the Prime Minister, "we
are hampered by these votes-for-women creatures; they disturb our
meetings throughout the country, and they try to turn Downing Street
into a sort of political picnic-ground."
"They must be dealt with" said Hermann.
"Dealt with," said the Prime Minister; "exactly,
just so; but how?"
"I will draft you a Bill," said the King, sitting down
at his type-writing machine, "enacting that women shall vote
at all future elections. Shall vote, you observe; or, to put it
plainer, must. Voting will remain optional, as before, for male
electors; but every woman between the ages of twenty-one and seventy
will be obliged to vote, not only at elections for Parliament, county
councils, district boards, parish-councils, and municipalities,
but for coroners, school inspectors, churchwardens, curators of
museums, sanitary authorities, police-court interpreters, swimming-bath
instructors, contractors, choir-masters, market superintendents,
art-school teachers, cathedral vergers, and other local functionaries
whose names I will add as they occur to me. All these offices will
become elective, and failure to vote at any election falling within
her area of residence will involve the female elector in a penalty
of 10 pounds. Absence, unsupported by an adequate medical certificate,
will not be accepted as an excuse. Pass this Bill through the two
Houses of Parliament and bring it to me for signature the day after
tomorrow."
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