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First you thought he was dreamy. Then he became your worst nightmare.
What went wrong, and how did you miss the warning signs?
 Max
and Liz went on one date. She found him adorable but a little unambitious.
Max and Nancy dated for six months. Then she left him, having
decided he was adorable but a little unambitious.
Meanwhile, Liz met a guy who had no home number. Everyone else
in the northeast figured out in two minutes that he must be married.
It took Liz months.
Newsflash: Someone else knows in seconds what it takes us years
to realize, in minutes what takes us months. It's because we neglect
to look at the map. Here's my basic road map theory of relationships:
The key delights and drawbacks of any relationship are anticipated
in the first three encounters.
One date can be a fluke. People behave funny - they order wine
they can't pronounce to impress you. They yammer on about trivial
subjects because drinking wine has confused some of their brain
cells and sent the other ones away on a brain cell weekend golf
retreat.
But three dates serve as a little map of things to come. Did you
have a political discussion that escalated into World War III? Was
he mega-flirt-o-maniac at a party? Does one of you have hostile
preconceptions about the other's family, profession, belief in God,
or basic fashion choices? Decide now whether you mind these things.
They will recur. The reason for the eventual breakup usually shows
itself on dates one, two, or three, and it usually gets ignored.
Luckily, the map isn't always bleak. If after three dates you
haven't noticed a single major rift, but have only felt that you're
bonding like superglue, that even when you disagree, your conversations
are healthy and productive, and that the habits and clothing items
of his that irritate you are not the ones that truly matter - in
other words, if the map doesn't have a sign saying "Breakup
20 months ahead!" - the road should be smooth.
And, whether or not he's the one, it might be a very nice trip.
By Jenny Lyn Bader
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